Photos from Nurul's Solemnization Ceremony

 

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Fell apart

Had a huge fight with her yesterday. I just had to speak up because she needs to be reminded all the time that she can't be treating us wrongly everytime. No, I won't allow that anymore. And thus, the fight.

Woke up today, feeling guilty for making her cry. I wasn't myself yesterday. Yes, she made mistakes and so did everyone else. But I could see her effort to fix things up. So I texted her, wishing her good luck for her interview today. And I prayed that everything will go on smoothly and that she'll get the job. I know she really needs the job.

Just one message from my closest aunt, and everything changed. I felt like a total idiot for actually believed that she would change. For actually fell for her actings and bullshits and lies!

While we were at home, feeling all sick, you just had to lie to us that you needed to be elsewhere for some important shit. I just knew that you were lying, right from the start.

And the truth has prevailed. You actually went for a picnic with your other siblings and your niece, those who tortured us emotionally, while we're at home, sick.

And you still think we owe you respect? Who are you kidding, like seriously. And when I called you irresponsible, selfish human being for everything you have done, you just had to give me those bullshit excuses and still won't admit your mistakes. And yet, you just had to blame everyone around you for all that you've done. For all the neglects and emotional damages you have caused. No, I knew it would be impossible for someone as cold hearted as you to change and care for anyone who refuses to be your 'servant'. But, because in my heart, there are still those remaining little pieces of love for you that used to be a huge chunk in my heart, made me the idiot I was to refuse to listen to my guts that this is just another scene to your long winded drama. Because I loved you. Because you were, for once, the queen of my heart.

But you just have to destroy everything you ever had, everyone who have ever loved you and held you so dearly in their hearts. I can never forgive you for that. For throwing all your responsibilities to me and yet, you accused me for being the culprit. I will stand strong for the three angels and fight for them. Because honestly, you don't deserve any of us.

You tell me, who's the real victim now?

My heart sunk so deep when I saw how you looked at me.

So much hatred you have there for me. 

And I can't help from thinking what went wrong and how did we get here.

I can only pray to Him, begging for strength and courage to help me get through tomorrow and the coming days.

And, if there's a tiny spot that used to be mine inside your heart, I silently pray that it will grow and you'll accept me and the other 4 that used to be your everything, into your life again.

If only.

We can only pray and hope for now.

The Finale

Changes.

For the better, the worse or for the best.

Before this, I was afraid of any changes. I wanted nothing but familiarity; the same people, the same surroundings, the same me.

But things took on its toll, familiarity was starting to eat me up, bit by bit. No one could understand the pain that was killing me from the inside. No one.

But I'm not here to put the blame on anyone. I understand that everyone has their expectations and limitations, and I accept that fact. So I decided to let it go, for real this time. I'm not going to make promises that I can't keep, nor will I lie to myself that I can commit to something or someone when I know I'm going to make a fool out of myself in the end.

I'm too fragile at this moment and I don't think I can take anymore pain, whether it's intentionally or unintentionally. It just breaks your heart to find out that no matter how hard you try to make it work, people still think that you're not trying hard enough. I asked myself again and again, was I really that heartless as how you indirectly described me? And for me to find it out that way.

You left me speechless and feeling dejected. When I was at my grievous period, you just had to add a pinch of salt to my open wound. You had a list of things about me that you need me to change, a list of conditions before you decide to take the next step. I embraced it, because I had high hopes that this is 'it'. And yet, my efforts are still nothing and meaningless to you compared to what you've done for me. Yes, I agree. Compared to all the wonderful things you have done for my sake, nothing and no one can ever top that. But I tried, I did bloody try as much as I could to make this happen. I might not be around for you all the time but when I gave you support during those hard times. I have explained to you that I can't be there for you always, and you said you understand. You understood, but eventually this will happen again later on. What's the point of holding onto something that's not meant for the both of us all along?

You and I both have long realized that we have too many differences that we thought we could put aside and work something out. But we can't keep on fooling ourselves. I don't think my presence in your life means anything anymore since the only one that has been putting effort into this relationship is you and I will always be the person who can't find time for you in my busy schedule. I don't see the point of you having me around if I can't contribute anything. And this left us with nothing but going on with our separate lives. I'm sorry I messed this up, and I'm sorry for all the promises I made to you because I have to break em all.

I need to move on and I need you to try.

Because we're out of goodbyes.

The Night Our Hearts Got Stolen By Chris Carrabba

When I first heard that Dashboard Confessional was going to perform at the previous Rockaway Festival 2011, I was literally jumping up and down, called my sister to tell her the great news. I was lucky tho, as I was about to buy the tickets, my friend called and said that DC cancelled their gig. A huge disappointment. But then, a friend tweeted that DC would be coming down to KL in Feb 2012. 

And yes, I was there last night, attending Dashboard Confessional Solo Acoustic Show at KL Live. Chris performed solo without his fellow bandmates. And he has proven to all of us that he still has 'it'. I grew up listening to his songs in my teen years. His songs connect to my emotion needs, songs which I can totally relate to at that point of time. And I shared the passion with the girls I grew up with during my uni days. I couldn't believe my eyes that the actual Chris Carrabba was standing in front of us, singing all the heartfelt songs while all of us sang along. And Chris really wowed us last night. He took my breath away. 

Screaming Infidelities. Rapid Hope Loss. Belle of the Boulevard. Saints and Sailors. Dusk and Dawn. Again I Go Unnoticed. Don't Wait. As Lovers Go.

Those were among the songs he performed last night. But the highlight of the performance was when he sang 3 of his biggest hits back to back, Stolen-Vindicated-Hands Down. I think every single one of us was singing our hearts out when he played those songs. Epic. Just when he closed the show after Hands Down, all of us were starting to scream Encore!! We Want Moreeee!! yada yada the usual. He came back and performed The Best Deceptions. Oh man, seriously last night was to die for! And to see him live, up close and personal, totally worth every penny spent. 

I hope he'll come down to KL soon enough, prolly this time with the whole band. To Chris, you made my dreams came true! Thanks for writing those beautiful songs, and please do us a favour and don't stop writing. We love youuuuuuu!

And yes, hands down that was the best day I can ever remember, always remember. And indeed you have stolen our hearts again and again.

Before the show

Chrisssss *drools*

My new project

Been wanting to update my blog for ages! I've been extremeeeely busy between getting my life back on track and running errands for everyone and managing the boutique. 

Well, where should I start. Okay, so let's just postpone all those emo posts and start with the good news first, shall we? I'm currently co-managing a boutique, La Vida Boutique, located at The Strand Kota Damansara. We're selling apparels and accessories for women, men and kids, including plus sized darlings. For those who are interested, you can go to our blog, La Vida Boutique, and browse through our collection. Will upload more soon! But if you feel like dropping by our boutique, you can find the address on the blog as well.

Recently, we had a runway party to introduce our latest collection. Only half of the invitees came, and the rest got stuck due to massive traffic jam coming to Kota Damansara. But the collection from the sale was really good, alhamdulillah. We will definitely plan more events in the future. Sadly, I still haven't got the pictures from the fashion show yet. Will definitely upload it as soon as I get my hands on 'em.