Guilt is perhaps the most painful companion of death

It was a happy day when it was my turn to take care of the baby. She was so playful, the prettiest thing I've ever seen. She was smiling and talking in her own language. After awhile, she looked sleepy and I put her in her net and sang her a lullaby. Fed her milk and she slept peacefully.

More or less 30 minutes later, I heard she cried and I took her out from the net and put her on the bed. She played with her toys and I didn't realize what happened next until I heard that loud sound.
A sound like something heavy fell down.
And then, I heard she cried. A loud cry and I know that my baby was in pain. A lot of pain.

I saw her on the floor. Screaming as loud as she could. My heartbeat raced as I rushed to pick her up and brought her close to me. Heard the screaming of my mom. She was literally screaming and was loosing her mind when she knew that the baby just fell down from the bed.

My aunt came and checked on the baby. She stopped crying after 20 minutes and we went to the clinic to let the doctor do some check-up. The doctor said its best if we bring her to the hospital and do some scanning but my dad refused to. I was left there, speechless still. Regretting every single stupid mistake I've done which led to her great pain. She's just 7 months and looking at her sobbing with her sad face, it kills me knowing that I could have avoid it.

She's a bit traumatized. There are bruises at her eyes, and there's a bit benjol on her left head. I can only pray and hope that she'll be fine and grow up healthily without any complications. I can never forgive myself if anything happen to her ever again.

Let this be a lesson to me, and perhaps all of us.

Kakak loves you sayang :(