Troubled mind

Having to take care of 3 younger siblings is never an easy job, trust me on this.

My 12-year old brother's having UPSR next tuesday and he's not doing anything, for god's sake!
We are all freaking out and he can still watch TV and pretend like he's sitting for some small tests. I was teaching him bm penulisan just now. After I have discussed with him the rangka of the essay, I asked him to write the essay. He was like "Lepas tu apa kak?" "Macam mana nak tulis ni kak?" Don't get me wrong. He's not dumb but the fact that he's the laziest ass in the whole wide world just made me want to strangle him back to reality. At first, I gave a few ideas for him to start off the essay but when he continued asking me to "feed" him on what he's going to write next, it started to tick me off. This is not called using your head, and I won't be around in the exam hall, sitting next to him and telling him what to write next. So, I ignored him and asked him to think. So he just sat there and God knows where his mind wondered to. I almost screamed at him (well actually I think I did) when I saw that he hadn't written any single word on the paper after I asked him to think by himself. And he gave me 1001 excuses, haus lah, sleepy lah, nyamuk lah. I swear it's the most torturing 3 hours of the day!

And then, my 15-year old sister suddenly made a confession which shocked the hell out of me. Well, it's nothing horrible or what but it just freaks me out to know what she's capable of doing. So I'm sitting here thinking, how could I overlooked these "things", when I'm at home literally every day. Where have I gone wrong? I should've noticed this a long time ago but I might took it for granted. I thought every thing's gonna be alright when the truth is, there are some things which you just have to pay attention at. I want to be someone where my siblings can go to whenever they have problems. I want to be there for them. I want to be able to have them in my arms when they need to run for cover. There are so many things I wish I could be but is there a possibility where I can fulfill all of them?

And finally, my almost 2-year old baby. My heart, my every thing. Will I be able to raise her well? Will I make my parents proud of me that I can bring her up to be the daughter they want her to be?

There are so many things in my mind right now I can't even track one of them.
Maybe I just need to clear my mind off for a while.
A getaway perhaps?