Empty

I have been feeling so empty. I can't smile, I even faked laughs. I can't think straight nor have I been eating proper meals and I have been crying for days. My mind wanders aimlessly.

There's a big hole here inside my heart.

Sometimes I find it hard to breathe. I can't believe I could be this weak. Feels like an addict trying to stay sober, like a beggar trying to resist free food. It feels like a part of you has gone, you just don't feel whole again.

But I need to be strong and stay true to my words. I asked for this, I can't keep on doing this and running back to him and then ask for this again. It's just not fair for him. I just want him to be happy, and I know he'll be better off without me. I just know it, because he deserves to be treated way better and I know he would be happier now. I just hope that he'll find a person whom will provide him everything he ever hoped for, that I couldn't give to him.

I have never loved anybody else as much as I love him. A 3 year relationship, is not something you could forget in one night. I know for a fact that this is what I want, that this is the real thing that I have been searching for throughout my life. But I know that my current situation doesn't permit me to go on with it. I truly believe that no matter how far our distance may be, and even if we are currently going on our separate ways, if he is the one for me as what He had planned long before our existence, we will meet again someday somehow and I hope that when that time comes, my dreams will come true, something which only he and I know, InsyaAllah.

But as humans, we could only plan and leave the rest to fate.

I pray that this is the right decision not only for me, but for him and everybody else affected as well.