The Finale

Changes.

For the better, the worse or for the best.

Before this, I was afraid of any changes. I wanted nothing but familiarity; the same people, the same surroundings, the same me.

But things took on its toll, familiarity was starting to eat me up, bit by bit. No one could understand the pain that was killing me from the inside. No one.

But I'm not here to put the blame on anyone. I understand that everyone has their expectations and limitations, and I accept that fact. So I decided to let it go, for real this time. I'm not going to make promises that I can't keep, nor will I lie to myself that I can commit to something or someone when I know I'm going to make a fool out of myself in the end.

I'm too fragile at this moment and I don't think I can take anymore pain, whether it's intentionally or unintentionally. It just breaks your heart to find out that no matter how hard you try to make it work, people still think that you're not trying hard enough. I asked myself again and again, was I really that heartless as how you indirectly described me? And for me to find it out that way.

You left me speechless and feeling dejected. When I was at my grievous period, you just had to add a pinch of salt to my open wound. You had a list of things about me that you need me to change, a list of conditions before you decide to take the next step. I embraced it, because I had high hopes that this is 'it'. And yet, my efforts are still nothing and meaningless to you compared to what you've done for me. Yes, I agree. Compared to all the wonderful things you have done for my sake, nothing and no one can ever top that. But I tried, I did bloody try as much as I could to make this happen. I might not be around for you all the time but when I gave you support during those hard times. I have explained to you that I can't be there for you always, and you said you understand. You understood, but eventually this will happen again later on. What's the point of holding onto something that's not meant for the both of us all along?

You and I both have long realized that we have too many differences that we thought we could put aside and work something out. But we can't keep on fooling ourselves. I don't think my presence in your life means anything anymore since the only one that has been putting effort into this relationship is you and I will always be the person who can't find time for you in my busy schedule. I don't see the point of you having me around if I can't contribute anything. And this left us with nothing but going on with our separate lives. I'm sorry I messed this up, and I'm sorry for all the promises I made to you because I have to break em all.

I need to move on and I need you to try.

Because we're out of goodbyes.